1 00:00:19,279 --> 00:00:20,279 Well, 2 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:21,680 that's all I need to know. 3 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:27,940 What's the story? Doctor, this patient is the picture of health. 4 00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:31,360 Physically, perhaps. He's just off his trolley. 5 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,960 I need a urine specimen. That shouldn't be any problem. 6 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:41,460 You've got to be kidding. 7 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,120 You don't mean to tell me that function doesn't work either. 8 00:00:49,660 --> 00:00:52,660 Psychosomatic impotence. For all the good that organ's doing you, you might 9 00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:53,960 well hang it on the Christmas tree. 10 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,840 Perhaps this will inspire you. 11 00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:03,460 It looks like we are going to have to delve into your past. 12 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:04,759 Any luck? 13 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:05,760 No, not a drop. 14 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,040 Lie down here. 15 00:01:08,460 --> 00:01:10,560 What comes to your mind about your early childhood? 16 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,260 Where did you grow up? 17 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,540 Up in the mountains, in a little village. 18 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,180 Nothing much ever happened there. 19 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,540 Who is the first woman you had a relationship with? 20 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:25,900 My mother, I guess. 21 00:01:26,180 --> 00:01:27,880 No, that won't get us anywhere. Who else? 22 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:29,780 Surely there were other females. 23 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:36,860 Well, in our barn, we had this milkmaid. 24 00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:41,940 I used to like to watch her do whatever it was she did. 25 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:45,240 This is all a little too innocent for my taste. 26 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,200 What is your favorite beverage? 27 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:00,580 Milk. Why? 28 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:01,820 I thought as much. 29 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,240 You've got a bosom fixation. Did you do well in school? 30 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:07,229 Not really. 31 00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:08,230 How come? 32 00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:12,090 I told you children to look at the board. 33 00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:14,910 Albert, what are you staring at? 34 00:02:16,090 --> 00:02:19,190 I don't know how you expect to learn anything like that. 35 00:02:21,510 --> 00:02:23,030 Well, did you learn anything? 36 00:02:23,490 --> 00:02:25,570 Well, I guess so. 37 00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:27,750 You men. 38 00:02:29,710 --> 00:02:34,090 You like your woman submissive. Trouble with girls, huh? Me? Never. What? You 39 00:02:34,090 --> 00:02:35,490 never experienced any complications? 40 00:02:35,930 --> 00:02:38,690 Well, there was this one... Now we're getting to the nitty -gritty. 41 00:02:39,450 --> 00:02:42,690 This happened back when I was still in the army. 42 00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:49,530 It was a Sunday, and I had a weekend pass, but I was broke as usual. 43 00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:54,350 I used to go out in the country to this little waterfall. 44 00:02:55,330 --> 00:02:56,670 I really liked it there. 45 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,050 It... Kind of reminded me of home. 46 00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:01,250 And it was a chance to be alone. 47 00:03:01,950 --> 00:03:04,650 You know, kind of gather my thoughts. 48 00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:14,490 Ah, yes, this looks like the perfect spot. Stop the car, Schmidler. Very 49 00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:15,530 my lord. 50 00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:27,320 We used to have a bull like that on the estate. 51 00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:28,980 Come, have a look, darling. 52 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,760 No, thanks, Bobbo. I thought we drove out here for a picnic. 53 00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:37,360 Of course. Just look at that hors d 'oeuvre. 54 00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:42,900 You mean... I've always been in favour of a varied menu. I thought that was in 55 00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:43,980 line with your appetite. 56 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,240 What if someone should see us? 57 00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:50,060 The chauffeur will see to it you're as secluded as in your own boudoir. Right, 58 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,480 Schmidler? Certainly, my lord. 59 00:03:52,750 --> 00:03:55,130 But what gives you the idea he's even interested? 60 00:03:55,750 --> 00:04:00,250 Sandra, darling, what man has ever been able to resist your aristocratic ass? If 61 00:04:00,250 --> 00:04:03,250 he doesn't respond to you, we'll simply send Schmidt lap down the hill. 62 00:04:03,890 --> 00:04:04,890 It's time. 63 00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:13,870 I'll say this for you, darling. You're a wonderful sport. 64 00:04:27,310 --> 00:04:28,410 What is it, my lord? 65 00:04:28,930 --> 00:04:30,890 I want to play with my pole. 66 00:04:47,790 --> 00:04:48,890 Tell me something. 67 00:04:49,210 --> 00:04:52,850 You don't suppose Her Ladyship is planning to cheat on me, do you? 68 00:04:53,990 --> 00:04:55,790 Absolutely impossible, Your Lordship. 69 00:05:37,479 --> 00:05:41,040 Behold the noblest arse this side of heaven. 70 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:49,200 What does that fool want, an engraved invitation? 71 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:51,740 Ah, at last. 72 00:06:00,180 --> 00:06:03,860 This is like the story of Sleeping Beauty with the parts reversed. 73 00:06:17,849 --> 00:06:21,830 Myth, do you want me to light up the rest of you too, or just the cigarette? 74 00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,090 Use your imagination. 75 00:06:24,950 --> 00:06:27,170 Sandra, this is no time to smoke. 76 00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:31,630 That trollop has a filter tip for a brain. 77 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,080 cheating on me. 78 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:53,100 I shall be in there, not him. After all, I do feed the bitch. 79 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,240 I say, young man, that's my wife. 80 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:02,440 Thank you very much for getting her started. I think I could carry on just 81 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:03,440 from here myself. 82 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,000 Can it hold you, Sandra? 83 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,800 Looks like I'll have to fish him out. 84 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,320 Time to get over emotional. 85 00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,600 That prong has gone far enough, laddie. 86 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,420 I said I could take over from here. 87 00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:36,039 I feel just as horny as a Brahms symphony. Watch this brilliant 88 00:08:36,419 --> 00:08:38,840 young man. I don't need this pole anymore. 89 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:47,040 A noble house can ably be serviced by a noble. 90 00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:58,850 Noblesse oblige, I always say. 91 00:08:59,270 --> 00:09:03,690 Let the peasants set the table for their betters to dine. 92 00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:44,670 That sure sounds like a fishy story to me. 93 00:09:44,990 --> 00:09:45,990 It's true. 94 00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:47,110 You accepted money for it? 95 00:09:47,930 --> 00:09:48,849 Why not? 96 00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:50,770 I had to work hard for it, didn't I? 97 00:09:51,350 --> 00:09:53,910 Besides, that lady was nothing but a high -class hooker. 98 00:09:54,670 --> 00:09:57,950 I think the hooker in this case was you. I beg your pardon? 99 00:09:58,250 --> 00:10:01,430 What difference does it make whether men or women practice that profession, as 100 00:10:01,430 --> 00:10:02,750 long as they ring the bell? 101 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:07,590 Ow! Now then, tell me something about your present job. I work in a hotel. 102 00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:09,150 Supplying stud service? 103 00:10:09,450 --> 00:10:10,450 No, room service. 104 00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:12,680 But I started as an ordinary handyman. 105 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:13,880 And then? 106 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:17,040 I changed jobs last summer. 107 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:24,860 It was one of those hot, sticky days, 8 o 'clock in the morning, when one of our 108 00:10:24,860 --> 00:10:26,740 well -heeled guests called me. 109 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,840 Albert? Yes, ma 'am? Did you find a place to hang my hammer? 110 00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,560 Sure, Mrs. Dunsinger. Where is it? Right over there. 111 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:35,800 Show me. 112 00:10:46,849 --> 00:10:47,849 Hate things? 113 00:10:47,950 --> 00:10:48,950 Yes, Mrs. Belcher. 114 00:10:49,390 --> 00:10:50,390 Where's Albert? 115 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,750 I have no idea what the boy's up to. 116 00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:55,410 I'll throw the bastard out. 117 00:10:57,170 --> 00:10:58,170 Horse's ass. 118 00:10:59,630 --> 00:11:03,490 Oh, what a lovely secluded spot. I'll have to try it out at once. 119 00:11:03,810 --> 00:11:05,050 Give me a hand, Albert. 120 00:11:05,590 --> 00:11:06,590 Up she goes. 121 00:11:06,870 --> 00:11:11,090 Oh, Albert, I must say you handle that installation like a real master. What? 122 00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:12,450 I'm losing my balance. 123 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:14,600 Oh, got to grab something. 124 00:11:15,060 --> 00:11:17,840 Oh, this feels nice and secure. 125 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,640 Hold on tight, Albert. 126 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,140 Just unhook, I'll use my hands. 127 00:11:22,980 --> 00:11:24,940 Is that a comfortable position? 128 00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,000 Oh, I'm overexposed. 129 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,900 Don't worry, I won't look. 130 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,140 Albert, no sneaking up from behind. 131 00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:37,740 One more stake ought to do it. 132 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:18,420 you up to now i'm up i'm up oh lazy good for 133 00:12:18,420 --> 00:12:20,440 nothing honestly what is this world coming to 134 00:12:48,910 --> 00:12:51,550 Estimated you. Why, you're a big asset. 135 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:58,650 And that was when you changed jobs at the hotel. 136 00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:02,270 Supplying pay -as -you -go affection to the lady guests. 137 00:13:02,570 --> 00:13:03,590 Hey, come on. 138 00:13:03,910 --> 00:13:07,910 After all, it is the oldest profession in the world. But up until now, it's 139 00:13:07,910 --> 00:13:09,270 the women servicing the men. 140 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,950 It's about time your men took your turn. 141 00:13:12,550 --> 00:13:13,790 Who's the lady out there? 142 00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:16,610 She's the girl I was in the second grade with back home. Are those your 143 00:13:16,610 --> 00:13:20,840 children? Well, we have a class reunion every few years. I guess you could say 144 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:22,560 Louise and I still enjoy playing doctor. 145 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,260 I beg your pardon? Oh, nothing personal. 146 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,560 Making babies. 147 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:31,260 That's the only thing you men were ever good for, and now your jewel is out of 148 00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:35,520 whack. For how long? It all started on the day Louise inherited a house in the 149 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,860 country from her great -aunt Myrtle. I don't understand. 150 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:41,400 You see, I promised if we ever found a place to live, I'd do the right thing 151 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,379 get married. 152 00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:46,190 Ah, so now you have to put your money where your mouth is. which may make it 153 00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:48,670 difficult for you to continue your services at the hotel. 154 00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:52,010 Confronted with this dilemma, your moral penis went on strike. 155 00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:54,930 Send in the ladies from the waiting room, please. 156 00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:56,550 Right away, Doctor. Hold on. 157 00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:06,450 Well, what's the story? 158 00:14:06,770 --> 00:14:11,210 When can he go back to work? As soon as he's done one thing, he will have to 159 00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:12,210 marry this girl. 160 00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:13,349 Right on. 161 00:14:13,350 --> 00:14:14,350 No way. 162 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:18,020 Don't forget I'm paying you to put this stud in condition to do his job. 163 00:14:18,220 --> 00:14:22,560 In this case, you can have his cake and eat it too. I won't have him working in 164 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:23,600 that hotel. Forget it. 165 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,080 Shut up. 166 00:14:25,980 --> 00:14:26,980 Don't be silly. 167 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,720 After all, it's just a job like butcher, baker or candy apple dipper. 168 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,380 One man works with his hands or his head. Albert works with his penis. It 169 00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,380 doesn't make any difference. 170 00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:37,120 Are you serious? 171 00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,160 Dear, your husband's a prostitute. 172 00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:41,460 A who? 173 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,480 A man who feeds his family the way he made it. 174 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,120 You're not going to be jealous of a job, are you? 175 00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:48,700 You're right. That would be stupid. 176 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:51,760 Now you're talking. 177 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,960 I don't suppose anybody cares what I think. No, you do as you're told. Get 178 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,620 married and go back to work. And what if I can't cut the mustard? 179 00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:01,060 Don't be stupid. 180 00:15:01,380 --> 00:15:02,800 You've got a bosom fixation. 181 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,500 Have this young lady give you a picture of her admirable breath. 182 00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:12,310 Now to you. 183 00:15:12,630 --> 00:15:15,750 You're going to have to see to it that he gets a generous increase in salary. 184 00:15:15,990 --> 00:15:17,050 That's none of your business. 185 00:15:17,490 --> 00:15:20,630 No, it's yours. Only a well -paid prostitute is up to snuff in bed. 186 00:15:21,030 --> 00:15:22,030 Oh, very well. 187 00:15:22,190 --> 00:15:24,150 If that's the only way to get him back in shape. 188 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:28,970 No need to worry about your bellboy. 189 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,650 He's already got his chimes ringing. 190 00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:34,130 Hallelujah. 191 00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,250 do anyway? 192 00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:02,090 Physical therapy. Body care. Like taking a shower. 193 00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:03,690 That's icky. 194 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:13,870 Is it Mr. Hoover? Tell the stud to come over. We've got a client waiting to go 195 00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:14,950 on hold. Oh, please. 196 00:16:15,810 --> 00:16:17,770 You've got to give him a break between sessions. 197 00:16:17,970 --> 00:16:19,270 He's not a machine, you know. 198 00:16:22,770 --> 00:16:26,330 Hey, we've got a day to play football, Dad. You promised. Sure we do, Andy. 199 00:16:26,930 --> 00:16:27,930 Come on. 200 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:31,440 Who's on the phone? 201 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:33,400 The hotel. 202 00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:34,840 What? The hotel. 203 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:39,720 Take the call. 204 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:42,680 Daddy, Daddy! 205 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:43,719 Hey, precious. 206 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,740 Come give your daddy a great big kiss, huh? 207 00:16:48,820 --> 00:16:49,820 Yeah? 208 00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:59,440 Albert? Yes, I know that. Yes, but I think we just fell over a gold mine. 209 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:03,580 Of course it all depends if you've got a strong enough pick to penetrate the 210 00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:04,579 mother load. 211 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,700 Oh, bonjour, madame. 212 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,460 Uh, Evelyn Jennings. Of course she's married. 213 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,839 Her husband, the Jennings, made several billions when he cornered the pork belly 214 00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:16,579 market. She's filthy rich, good -looking. 215 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,300 I'd say about five foot six. 216 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,119 Hold on. No game. 217 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:27,819 Blonde, 28 years old, height five foot six. Good figure. 218 00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:29,500 What's that? 219 00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:30,690 She's shy. 220 00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:33,570 I always get the difficult cases. My poor darling. 221 00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:35,990 Okay, I'll be right over. 222 00:17:39,310 --> 00:17:41,370 Tuxedo? Your rubber diving suit? 223 00:17:41,570 --> 00:17:42,509 Tennis clothes? 224 00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:43,510 Uh -uh. 225 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:44,730 Gray suit. 226 00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:32,470 Blonde, 5 '6", 28 years old. 227 00:18:33,330 --> 00:18:35,690 Husband cornered the market on pork bellies. 228 00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,050 So I can imagine what she's going to look like. 229 00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:40,910 I don't know why I bother making these notes at all. 230 00:18:41,510 --> 00:18:43,350 He advertises glamour and style. 231 00:18:43,670 --> 00:18:46,010 And when I get there, Dracula's grandmother. 232 00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:48,690 Shy, nervous. 233 00:18:49,730 --> 00:18:51,650 She's probably a complete moron. 234 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:58,230 Why couldn't I just go see an analyst like everybody else? 235 00:19:00,130 --> 00:19:02,610 God knows this is the craziest thing I've ever done. 236 00:19:03,470 --> 00:19:06,330 Just because Allison said he was such a marvelous gigolo. 237 00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:10,350 Allison's perverted. 238 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:14,690 She has different needs. Why should I listen to her? 239 00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:21,270 I'm a happily married woman. 240 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:27,320 These females marry highfalutin society tycoons for the money and wind up 241 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:28,620 getting their jollies from me. 242 00:19:29,380 --> 00:19:31,160 What's the matter with these rich husbands? 243 00:19:32,260 --> 00:19:33,260 What do they do? 244 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:34,560 Each other? 245 00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:59,980 Albert, a little going -away present from Mrs. Pinkham. The thought of 246 00:19:59,980 --> 00:20:01,720 you was really more than she could bear. 247 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,240 I'm sure there wasn't a dry seat in her car. 248 00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:05,680 Filthy old sow. 249 00:20:05,860 --> 00:20:06,920 Who, you or her? 250 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,500 You, of course. 251 00:20:08,860 --> 00:20:09,599 Don't say. 252 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,280 Another instance of the pot calling the kettle black. Give it a look. 253 00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:17,390 Oh, I'll get in that pot any old day. Where's New Broad? 254 00:20:17,770 --> 00:20:19,010 Upstairs in the honeymoon suite. 255 00:20:19,390 --> 00:20:21,730 Fame, oh, sweet. Treats for the sweet, I always say. 256 00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:26,050 Room is jinxed. Every time I start to shift into high gear, the goddamn door 257 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,430 the night table starts to rattle. Drives me crazy. 258 00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:30,310 I'll fix it first thing in the morning. 259 00:20:30,650 --> 00:20:31,509 Oh, don't bother. 260 00:20:31,510 --> 00:20:32,810 I'll pretend it's applause. 261 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:49,180 I'll change my mind. I'll tell him I don't need him. 262 00:20:50,140 --> 00:20:53,320 Oh, no, that's not very polite. I'll just tell him there must have been a 263 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,820 mistake. Well, I do. 264 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,080 Yes, what is it? 265 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,200 How do you do? 266 00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:08,220 How do you do? 267 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,500 He looks like a pleasant enough chap. 268 00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:13,120 She's a nice surprise. 269 00:21:13,590 --> 00:21:16,150 I was told your highness was looking for a male... An escort. 270 00:21:16,390 --> 00:21:17,710 I want a male escort. 271 00:21:18,630 --> 00:21:22,410 To take me out in the evening. Naturally. I hate this play acting. 272 00:21:22,830 --> 00:21:23,830 Or go boating. 273 00:21:24,070 --> 00:21:25,090 Rowing and sailing. 274 00:21:25,350 --> 00:21:26,350 I understand. 275 00:21:26,890 --> 00:21:30,310 Rowing and sailing, my ass. She means screwing and squealing. 276 00:21:31,010 --> 00:21:33,230 I presume I can send for you through the death clerk. 277 00:21:33,810 --> 00:21:34,970 Whenever I need you. 278 00:21:35,170 --> 00:21:36,390 Your wish is my command. 279 00:21:37,210 --> 00:21:40,230 You look like you need some right now, your majesty. 280 00:21:40,730 --> 00:21:42,630 Well then, have a nice day. 281 00:21:43,340 --> 00:21:44,480 pleased to meet you. 282 00:21:57,860 --> 00:21:59,700 I can't believe this. 283 00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:04,420 Why don't I tell him to stop? 284 00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:08,720 I do want him to go away, don't I? 285 00:22:10,180 --> 00:22:11,740 I do want him. 286 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:13,840 To go away? 287 00:22:25,780 --> 00:22:28,460 This is getting a little too odd to handle. 288 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,980 I don't remember hiring him. I better get him out of here. 289 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:36,480 Why is he doing this? 290 00:23:09,450 --> 00:23:11,150 It's against the rules. It isn't fair. 291 00:23:12,690 --> 00:23:14,030 I want him to go away. 292 00:23:15,010 --> 00:23:16,390 I want him to go away. 293 00:23:17,410 --> 00:23:18,510 I want him to go. 294 00:23:19,450 --> 00:23:20,450 I want him. 295 00:23:20,830 --> 00:23:21,970 I want him. 296 00:23:23,210 --> 00:23:24,210 I want him. 297 00:23:26,450 --> 00:23:27,550 I want you. 298 00:23:29,570 --> 00:23:32,530 You bet your bippy you want me, your majesty. 299 00:23:40,650 --> 00:23:44,230 I must say this is more enjoyable than psychoanalysis. 300 00:23:45,670 --> 00:23:47,230 Maybe I misjudged Allison. 301 00:23:50,650 --> 00:23:56,090 For a frustrated society bitch, she certainly gets one hell of an act 302 00:23:58,530 --> 00:24:00,030 Why should I send him away? 303 00:24:00,390 --> 00:24:02,850 I've never had so much fun in my life. 304 00:24:03,350 --> 00:24:05,650 What's wrong with paying for it? It's worth the money. 305 00:24:06,030 --> 00:24:07,070 Hear that, Henry? 306 00:24:07,770 --> 00:24:10,450 Paying for this stud was the sexiest thing you ever did for me. 307 00:24:11,590 --> 00:24:12,750 Don't go away, Henry. 308 00:24:17,730 --> 00:24:18,170 I 309 00:24:18,170 --> 00:24:27,290 guess 310 00:24:27,290 --> 00:24:29,290 this is what they call a labor of love. 311 00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:34,030 This stallion takes all the ribbons. 312 00:24:44,650 --> 00:24:45,750 The first time. 313 00:24:46,430 --> 00:24:48,070 This is going to be a double header. 314 00:24:52,690 --> 00:24:56,010 Good morning, Father. I'm looking for Bishop McGonagall. Just a minute. I'll 315 00:24:56,010 --> 00:24:57,010 check the reservation. 316 00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:00,790 Upstairs in 316. 317 00:25:01,050 --> 00:25:02,830 If you'd like to take the lift. 318 00:25:03,370 --> 00:25:05,010 No, I think I'd rather walk the stairs. 319 00:25:05,290 --> 00:25:06,290 They'll get you high, too. 320 00:25:08,310 --> 00:25:09,870 Good morning. Reception desk. 321 00:25:12,210 --> 00:25:13,210 Right, right. 322 00:25:14,330 --> 00:25:15,330 You've got it, darling. 323 00:25:15,510 --> 00:25:18,890 Pee -wee, take something up to the honeymoon suite. A glass of milk. A 324 00:25:18,890 --> 00:25:19,890 scotch. And a seltzer bottle. 325 00:25:20,710 --> 00:25:23,850 How did you know that? That's the suite where they do all the squirting. 326 00:25:24,530 --> 00:25:25,950 Get a move on. 327 00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:45,140 I can't imagine why anyone would neglect her. 328 00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:49,760 For once, the elephant didn't exaggerate. 329 00:25:58,180 --> 00:25:59,520 No cause for alarm. 330 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:03,120 The waiter is very discreet. 331 00:26:24,620 --> 00:26:25,620 Good Lord. 332 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,460 Albert. You didn't mention this at confession. 333 00:26:47,660 --> 00:26:50,440 One glass of milk. 334 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,880 Hey, Pee -wee, haven't you got a pretzel in the oven? 335 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:06,120 Nothing personal, Father. 336 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,540 Now, what do you suppose that boy is thinking? 337 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:20,480 If he's got any sense, he's thinking, I want a gorgeous creature like that when 338 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,940 I grow up. Oh, somebody appreciates me. 339 00:27:24,180 --> 00:27:25,180 Listen to that. 340 00:27:34,980 --> 00:27:37,580 Accommodate you, Father, but I've got a boyfriend. 341 00:27:40,740 --> 00:27:43,740 Mrs. Hoover, would you mind if I asked you a question? 342 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:45,380 Not at all, Father. 343 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:50,920 Sure, and it is a rather delicate matter. Can you explain what your 344 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,840 doing in the Palace Hotel yesterday morning? He's got a job there. A job 345 00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:57,540 Naked? He leaves here with his clothes on. 346 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,920 What kind of job has he got, then? 347 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,940 It's, uh, what was the word that the doctor used? 348 00:28:05,610 --> 00:28:08,590 Protestant. Saints of mercy, woman, that's catastrophic news. 349 00:28:09,170 --> 00:28:11,730 No, that's not the word. He's a prostitute. 350 00:28:12,170 --> 00:28:12,989 Good Lord. 351 00:28:12,990 --> 00:28:16,850 You had me terribly worried. Oh, he'd never do the other thing. Can I speak to 352 00:28:16,850 --> 00:28:18,710 Albert? I'm afraid he's not home right now. 353 00:28:20,090 --> 00:28:21,170 He's gone out hunting. 354 00:28:28,270 --> 00:28:30,590 You know, we never talk about sex at home. 355 00:28:30,970 --> 00:28:32,870 My husband Henry's kind of rigid. 356 00:28:33,500 --> 00:28:37,520 Oh, he'd rather do it than talk, huh? Billy, you're not rigid down there. 357 00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,700 That's more of an underdeveloped line. 358 00:28:42,340 --> 00:28:45,300 We'd been married for three months before he had the courage to go to bed. 359 00:28:45,500 --> 00:28:46,500 Oh, that's awful. 360 00:28:46,580 --> 00:28:49,380 Well, the awful part started when he got in bed. Poor Mrs. 361 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,220 Jennings. I want you to call me Evelyn. 362 00:28:55,740 --> 00:28:56,740 Evelyn. 363 00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,340 Are we there? 364 00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:01,280 We'll be going up any minute. 365 00:29:01,900 --> 00:29:03,580 I should hope so. Not there. 366 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:05,120 Up in the tree. 367 00:29:05,540 --> 00:29:09,280 Who wants to climb trees at a time like this? You haven't lived until you've 368 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,380 hunted in a treehouse. 369 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:18,820 You know, I've already got enough money saved up to buy a dairy bar downtown. 370 00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:20,840 He's so very fond of milk. 371 00:29:21,180 --> 00:29:22,320 Well, why don't you do it now? 372 00:29:22,660 --> 00:29:27,100 He says no. He says wives supporting husbands is unchristian. I think he 373 00:29:27,100 --> 00:29:30,100 let me be the judge of that. Why don't you send him around and I'll have a chat 374 00:29:30,100 --> 00:29:31,100 with him? 375 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:35,000 Come here. 376 00:29:36,100 --> 00:29:38,380 Albert, are you always ready for action? 377 00:29:38,660 --> 00:29:40,540 When I'm with you, I can't get enough. 378 00:29:40,980 --> 00:29:42,420 What's it like with other women? 379 00:29:43,180 --> 00:29:44,180 About the same. 380 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,780 You never disappoint anyone. 381 00:29:47,220 --> 00:29:48,980 No, I'm a professional. 382 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:52,860 And how did you feel about Allison? 383 00:29:53,940 --> 00:29:55,380 Couldn't she give you enough either? 384 00:29:55,940 --> 00:29:56,940 Who's Allison? 385 00:29:57,300 --> 00:29:59,160 You'd know her better than who's Baxter. 386 00:29:59,620 --> 00:30:02,040 She's the one who told me how wonderful you were in bed. 387 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:05,940 I can't recall her offhand, but I'm glad she liked it. 388 00:30:06,180 --> 00:30:08,680 And I guess that's all the emotion you invest. 389 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:14,180 Just call the right number and the callboy is ready. 390 00:30:14,720 --> 00:30:17,100 I try to accommodate the clients. 391 00:30:18,380 --> 00:30:19,540 Accommodate the clients. 392 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:21,660 Now, Andrette. 393 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:25,360 No, me. 394 00:30:37,260 --> 00:30:38,260 No, get away. 395 00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:41,700 Now, you. 396 00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:45,880 Equipment out. 397 00:30:47,140 --> 00:30:49,320 You do what you're told and nothing else. 398 00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:54,900 And right now, I don't want you to do anything. 399 00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:56,740 Anything at all. 400 00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,740 I want to use you. 401 00:30:59,860 --> 00:31:02,000 Who cares about feelings? 402 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,300 I don't suppose Allison cares. 403 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,280 She just took what she needed, paid him, and left. 404 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:14,220 He's not here. 405 00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:21,820 He's a device. 406 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,620 What an incredible device he is. 407 00:31:30,260 --> 00:31:33,360 A dream of a device. 408 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:36,820 She's like a storm cloud. 409 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,720 She's running a mile. Any minute now, we'll have a cloud burst. A miracle 410 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,500 A cloud burst. It's like a race with him. 411 00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:49,520 A cloud burst. A dream race. A cloud burst. A dream race. A cloud burst. A 412 00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:50,520 burst. 413 00:31:52,140 --> 00:31:54,080 A dream race. A cloud burst. 414 00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,100 A cloud burst. 415 00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:58,060 A cloud burst. 416 00:32:03,950 --> 00:32:05,490 a work in arrangement with your wife. 417 00:32:06,190 --> 00:32:09,490 But what about the Lord? Are you prepared to spend eternity in hell? 418 00:32:09,930 --> 00:32:12,190 Father, most of my customers say I'm pretty heavenly. 419 00:32:12,470 --> 00:32:15,290 And do you think it's fair to lead all those women down the path of corruption? 420 00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:19,850 Oh, I think they'd find their own way down that primrose path, whether I 421 00:32:19,850 --> 00:32:20,829 them there or not. 422 00:32:20,830 --> 00:32:24,030 What's that supposed to mean? Why do you think those women go on vacation alone? 423 00:32:24,390 --> 00:32:27,330 If I didn't service them, they'd find themselves a waiter or a priest. Not a 424 00:32:27,330 --> 00:32:28,710 chance. Maybe a Lutheran minister. 425 00:32:28,990 --> 00:32:30,090 Or a Buddhist rabbi. 426 00:32:31,450 --> 00:32:33,250 The point is, they always find someone. 427 00:32:33,740 --> 00:32:36,260 And this time it just happens to be me. Nonsense. It's of your own choice. 428 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:40,600 Wouldn't you make the same choice, given the chance? Get thee behind me, Satan. 429 00:32:41,060 --> 00:32:42,640 Be sensible, my son. 430 00:32:43,060 --> 00:32:44,720 After all, this can't go on forever. 431 00:32:45,020 --> 00:32:46,960 I know. One of these days you'll go on a long strike. 432 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:48,360 Who? You know. 433 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:49,640 No, who? 434 00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:51,840 You know, the little guy down there. 435 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:53,740 I don't have to spell it out for you, do I? 436 00:32:54,020 --> 00:32:57,920 And when that day comes, and it can't come too soon for me, you'll be very 437 00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,960 your wife owns a successful dairy bar. 438 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:01,279 I will not. 439 00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:02,420 How would you solve the problem? 440 00:33:03,500 --> 00:33:04,960 I'd kind of like to own a hotel. 441 00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,200 You own a hotel. 442 00:33:14,180 --> 00:33:17,580 You'd have to spend all your time in bed with a female guest. 443 00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:19,760 That's what you think. 444 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:25,140 Listen, they don't let the company cook lead the men into battle or send the 445 00:33:25,140 --> 00:33:26,140 general into the kitchen. 446 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:29,180 And believe you me, you're a five -star general. 447 00:33:29,420 --> 00:33:31,900 General, I thought I was a pacifier. 448 00:33:36,080 --> 00:33:37,460 It's only the waiter. 449 00:34:09,460 --> 00:34:11,120 Egg over easy. 450 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:21,580 I'll set down the tray lady and we can take it from there. 451 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:28,440 I could have sworn you had a hush puppy in the oven. 452 00:34:30,199 --> 00:34:31,840 I'll take that tray. 453 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:56,760 Got a boyfriend. 454 00:34:59,220 --> 00:35:02,060 Tell me about your other women. I think I've forgotten them all. 455 00:35:02,260 --> 00:35:03,260 Stop lying. 456 00:35:03,300 --> 00:35:05,280 Were any of them prettier than me? Of course not. 457 00:35:05,500 --> 00:35:06,459 Wilder? No. 458 00:35:06,460 --> 00:35:07,760 Pinkier? Evelyn, cut it out. 459 00:35:08,020 --> 00:35:12,020 Did any of them have any far -out fantasies that we haven't tried yet, 460 00:35:12,220 --> 00:35:15,220 Well, there was that Greek shipowner's wife. Tell me. 461 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,100 Would you mind handing me the butter, darling? Not at all. 462 00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:30,140 but I hate that sort of thing. No. 463 00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:38,440 I didn't mean to get so upset, but Henry wanted to try that with me once. 464 00:35:39,380 --> 00:35:42,140 You don't suppose there's anything wrong with Henry, do you? 465 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,500 If you can't turn him on, he'd have to be weird. 466 00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:47,180 Flattery will get you anywhere. 467 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:48,400 Can I borrow that towel? 468 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,460 What's that? Looks like somebody bit you. 469 00:35:50,720 --> 00:35:51,720 She did. 470 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:53,120 That sounds exciting. 471 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:54,400 Tell me more. 472 00:35:54,620 --> 00:35:55,620 Sue Ann. 473 00:35:55,940 --> 00:35:59,820 Darling Sue Ann. You see, you did remember one of them. I'll say I did. 474 00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:02,660 I must say I tried to forget. 475 00:36:04,020 --> 00:36:06,560 Name, please, Miss... Sue Ann Fowler. 476 00:36:07,460 --> 00:36:08,700 Athens, Georgia. 477 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:37,000 Eeny, meeny, miny, meen. Catch the Albert by his thing. 478 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:39,960 Stick him up. 479 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:42,580 Oh, that was quick. 480 00:37:53,190 --> 00:37:57,110 Honey, you're sharper than a pit barbecue and Louisiana hot dog. Boy, 481 00:37:57,110 --> 00:37:58,190 good enough to eat. 482 00:38:07,210 --> 00:38:10,790 Honey, why nibble on that breadstick when the real stuff is down here? 483 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,100 realize what you've done, you silly woman? 484 00:38:27,980 --> 00:38:31,620 Premeditated damaging of hotel property is punishable by law. 485 00:38:32,140 --> 00:38:34,060 I don't know what y 'all are so riled up about. 486 00:38:34,300 --> 00:38:38,160 All I did was give you a little nibble. That kind of nibble is just not allowed 487 00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:42,360 here. Well, I do that all the time back home. Which accounts for the decline of 488 00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:45,340 the South. No wonder half the men down there look like Tennessee Williams. 489 00:38:45,740 --> 00:38:48,620 Albert, you must go at once. To the doctor? No, you imbecile. To the 490 00:38:48,620 --> 00:38:52,160 photographer. When this case comes before the court, we're going to need 491 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:53,380 of irrefutable evidence. 492 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:16,880 Eye level? 493 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:21,020 I wonder how low this thing goes. 494 00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:52,240 Delicious. You too. 495 00:39:52,980 --> 00:39:59,120 Now, are you willing to pay for the damage you've caused? 496 00:39:59,380 --> 00:40:02,200 Or are we going to have to take this sordid matter to court, Miss Fowler? 497 00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:03,720 What if I'm damaged? 498 00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,540 You can't just go biting hotel employees without permission of the management. 499 00:40:07,980 --> 00:40:09,140 Besides, I'm not on the menu. 500 00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:13,220 Now, why don't you just listen to reason and pay for the necessary repairs? 501 00:40:14,250 --> 00:40:17,310 I sure hope you have a good answer ready when the judge asks you what Albert 502 00:40:17,310 --> 00:40:18,310 does in the hotel. 503 00:40:18,510 --> 00:40:21,370 What were you planning to tell Colonel and Mrs. Fowler when they see these 504 00:40:21,370 --> 00:40:24,750 pictures? I doubt if they're going to jump for joy when they find out what 505 00:40:24,750 --> 00:40:26,750 of a Girl Scout jamboree you've been attending. 506 00:40:31,150 --> 00:40:32,470 Another zero, honey. 507 00:40:33,650 --> 00:40:37,790 Maybe that'll teach you in the future to confine your appetite to the kind of 508 00:40:37,790 --> 00:40:39,730 nourishment that doesn't live to fight another day. 509 00:40:41,890 --> 00:40:42,890 All that money. 510 00:40:43,470 --> 00:40:46,390 I never had this problem with Jimmy Joe down at the filling station, blah. 511 00:40:48,290 --> 00:40:51,010 You're so nearsighted, you were probably nibbling on the pump. 512 00:40:57,150 --> 00:41:03,170 Sorry about that, Albert. 513 00:41:03,950 --> 00:41:05,490 And how did you heal so quickly? 514 00:41:07,030 --> 00:41:09,110 I got a lot of tender, loving care. 515 00:41:45,610 --> 00:41:49,330 Albert, I want to be alone for a while. Why don't you take the day off? 516 00:41:49,570 --> 00:41:50,790 Whatever you say, Evelyn. 517 00:41:51,210 --> 00:41:54,870 I want to go out on the terrace and think about my situation. 518 00:41:56,350 --> 00:41:57,430 Write some letters. 519 00:42:08,010 --> 00:42:09,130 Darling Henry. 520 00:42:36,620 --> 00:42:38,860 Why can't I get that man out of my head? 521 00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:44,980 I came here to get a sun bath and think about other things. 522 00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:47,520 That's what I'll do. 523 00:42:49,660 --> 00:42:51,280 I'll think about other things. 524 00:43:05,740 --> 00:43:07,020 Are there any other things? 525 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:28,300 I'm just losing my mind. That's all there is to it. 526 00:43:30,620 --> 00:43:34,880 If I am, all I can say is long live insanity. 527 00:43:38,700 --> 00:43:40,520 Oh, I can't remember when I felt this good. 528 00:43:41,900 --> 00:43:45,360 When being a woman was such an incredible experience. 529 00:43:51,020 --> 00:43:57,000 Dear Henry, guess what? 530 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:05,280 Life is a woman. 531 00:44:09,550 --> 00:44:10,790 For all you care. 532 00:44:15,590 --> 00:44:21,570 What am I doing out here all by myself? 533 00:44:24,890 --> 00:44:26,690 I don't want to write letters. 534 00:44:28,890 --> 00:44:32,970 I can't write Henry anything even vaguely resembling the truth. 535 00:44:36,030 --> 00:44:37,530 I don't need sunshine. 536 00:44:38,380 --> 00:44:39,380 I need him. 537 00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:41,360 I need him. 538 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:44,060 I need him. 539 00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,900 I need him now. 540 00:44:53,620 --> 00:44:55,460 I want Albert to go. 541 00:45:01,540 --> 00:45:06,200 Now play quietly, children. And don't forget, your daddy had another rough 542 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,040 night. You needn't worry, Mommy. 543 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:33,520 Something's rumbling in here. 544 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:36,160 Sounds like a buzzsaw. 545 00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:43,280 Is it any wonder? 546 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,220 If you weren't getting enough, you'd be rumbling, too. 547 00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:47,440 Rumbling where? 548 00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:48,800 In your stomach, silly. 549 00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:51,780 What do you want in your stomach? 550 00:45:52,540 --> 00:45:54,660 What I want goes in a little lower. 551 00:47:48,750 --> 00:47:49,810 Does Albert Hoover live here? 552 00:47:50,010 --> 00:47:50,629 Yeah, why? 553 00:47:50,630 --> 00:47:52,010 I've got to see him right away. It's urgent. 554 00:47:53,110 --> 00:47:55,390 He's fast asleep upstairs. Oh, don't worry. 555 00:47:56,210 --> 00:47:57,470 But he can't be disturbed. 556 00:47:57,950 --> 00:47:59,050 I won't disturb him. 557 00:48:12,270 --> 00:48:13,710 How's the buzzsaw? 558 00:48:14,170 --> 00:48:16,890 It's cutting down the whole forest. 559 00:48:27,690 --> 00:48:28,690 This has gone far enough. 560 00:48:28,930 --> 00:48:30,290 He's not on duty now. 561 00:48:30,590 --> 00:48:34,390 So this is a private little affair, then? This is no little affair. It's the 562 00:48:34,390 --> 00:48:38,510 main event. I expect this man to reserve his main event for his paying client. 563 00:48:38,630 --> 00:48:40,330 He happens to take our marriage seriously. 564 00:48:43,710 --> 00:48:46,830 This woman is your wife? I can explain everything. 565 00:48:47,370 --> 00:48:48,368 You have children? 566 00:48:48,370 --> 00:48:51,210 I can explain everything. You miserable swine! 567 00:48:51,530 --> 00:48:52,990 Lady, why don't you just bug off? 568 00:48:53,210 --> 00:48:54,210 Bug off, huh? 569 00:48:54,330 --> 00:48:55,850 That isn't quite the right word. 570 00:48:56,940 --> 00:48:58,940 I got paid my money and I got fucked over. 571 00:48:59,220 --> 00:49:01,840 He's the one who's getting gone over by you rich bitches. 572 00:49:02,060 --> 00:49:05,440 So this is how you support your family. You're no better than a hooker. What do 573 00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:06,399 you think you are? 574 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:07,940 I'll tell you one thing. I'm through with him. 575 00:49:08,340 --> 00:49:09,720 Evelyn. You bastard. 576 00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:11,200 I hope you rot in hell. 577 00:49:12,060 --> 00:49:15,160 You're an animal. And animals like you should be slaughtered. 578 00:49:47,530 --> 00:49:51,090 Haven't heard the latest news. Mrs. Belcher wants to sell out. My stars and 579 00:49:51,090 --> 00:49:55,630 gardens. Mrs. Belcher's run this hotel for years. If she sells this place, we 580 00:49:55,630 --> 00:49:57,710 society girls won't have any place to come. 581 00:50:02,450 --> 00:50:04,990 Now, you'll never believe who's interested in buying this place. 582 00:50:06,270 --> 00:50:07,850 You! Albert! 583 00:50:08,370 --> 00:50:09,370 Albert! 584 00:50:10,630 --> 00:50:13,010 Tell him I'll be waiting for him in the bar. 585 00:50:13,510 --> 00:50:16,110 Very good, Mrs. Dunsaker. And have a jumping evening. 586 00:50:39,660 --> 00:50:40,900 Where's... Up and away. 587 00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:09,360 Mrs. Dunsinger said she'd be waiting for you in the cocktail lounge. 588 00:51:09,700 --> 00:51:11,220 Not a minute too soon. 589 00:51:23,540 --> 00:51:24,600 Here's your usual. 590 00:51:24,940 --> 00:51:26,060 Scotch. Double. 591 00:51:26,300 --> 00:51:28,200 Okay. What are you doing? 592 00:51:28,620 --> 00:51:30,900 Never dreamed you could be so evil. 593 00:51:31,260 --> 00:51:34,120 Makes me love you all the better. What are you reading in that magazine? 594 00:51:35,990 --> 00:51:39,330 Read it. How she lost her innocence in a wine cellar. 595 00:51:40,190 --> 00:51:41,950 And you want me to help you lose your innocence? 596 00:51:42,230 --> 00:51:44,650 No. I want to do it in a wine cellar. 597 00:51:48,370 --> 00:51:51,530 Mrs. Belcher, just look at the condition of these pillows. 598 00:51:53,430 --> 00:51:55,210 Just throw it in the basement. 599 00:51:55,490 --> 00:51:56,970 Out. Yes, ma 'am. 600 00:52:01,290 --> 00:52:04,870 I'd like to pour a large bucket of filth all over her living room. 601 00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,180 Just look at this pink stye. 602 00:52:14,580 --> 00:52:15,580 Another scotch. 603 00:52:16,820 --> 00:52:19,420 Meet me down in the cellar and wait me until the feathers fly. 604 00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:20,640 Let's have a new thrill. 605 00:52:20,900 --> 00:52:22,920 I can sure do with a thrill. I can tell you that. 606 00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:26,860 I want you to show no mercy. Don't pay attention if I screech. Keep it hard 607 00:52:26,860 --> 00:52:28,600 enough. Hard and nasty. You got it, kid. 608 00:52:29,220 --> 00:52:31,100 You go prepare yourself down there. 609 00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:33,960 I'll be along in five minutes. I'm suspecting. 610 00:52:34,540 --> 00:52:37,060 Hard and nasty. Hard and nasty. That's me today. 611 00:52:38,700 --> 00:52:42,620 Phone call for Mrs. Dunsinger. Phone call for Mrs. Dunsinger. 612 00:52:43,620 --> 00:52:45,240 Oh, not again. 613 00:52:46,380 --> 00:52:49,640 I'm going to have to introduce my husband to my girlfriend, then he'll 614 00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:50,640 alone. 615 00:52:58,640 --> 00:52:59,760 Hard and nasty. 616 00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:02,920 Boy, has she come to the right address. 617 00:53:12,440 --> 00:53:14,060 Rape in the wine cellar. 618 00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:16,880 What a way to blow your cork. 619 00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:54,340 Hard and nasty. 620 00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:00,800 Hard and nasty. 621 00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:06,680 Hard and nasty. 622 00:54:34,570 --> 00:54:35,570 Hard and nasty. 623 00:54:36,670 --> 00:54:42,330 Hard and 624 00:54:42,330 --> 00:54:43,950 nasty. 625 00:54:45,170 --> 00:54:47,890 This will send you back to your husband. 626 00:54:49,150 --> 00:54:53,150 Hard and nasty. Hard and nasty. 627 00:54:53,390 --> 00:54:55,390 Hard and nasty. 628 00:54:56,610 --> 00:54:59,650 Enjoy this, you stupid bitch. 629 00:55:00,430 --> 00:55:02,410 Hard and nasty. 630 00:55:55,530 --> 00:55:56,530 Who's this woman? 631 00:55:57,710 --> 00:56:01,750 I thought I was raping you. I'm the maid and I already have a boyfriend. 632 00:56:02,510 --> 00:56:05,030 Sorry about that. I thought you were a freaky guest. 633 00:56:05,290 --> 00:56:07,850 When my boyfriend finds out about this, he'll push your face in the meat 634 00:56:07,850 --> 00:56:08,850 grinder. 635 00:56:09,490 --> 00:56:12,570 It's her fault. If she hadn't gotten here so late, this never would have 636 00:56:12,570 --> 00:56:16,310 happened. What you guys need is a head shrinker. You're sick and you're sicker. 637 00:56:16,330 --> 00:56:19,030 And this place is just a sinkhole full of perverts. 638 00:56:19,650 --> 00:56:23,510 I'll have you know, young lady, my husband and I have been seeing expensive 639 00:56:23,510 --> 00:56:24,650 analysts for years. 640 00:56:25,870 --> 00:56:30,750 Then you should get your money back. You've been saying... You've been... 641 00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:33,310 been... You've been very considerate. 642 00:56:33,670 --> 00:56:37,530 If I can be of any other service, don't hesitate to call. 643 00:56:40,630 --> 00:56:42,270 Is there something I've forgotten? 644 00:56:42,910 --> 00:56:43,910 Yeah. 645 00:56:56,330 --> 00:56:57,330 Quite nasty. 646 00:56:57,710 --> 00:57:02,890 Sorry, honey, I've had it. Why don't you check with Dial -A -Rape, Miss Piggy? 647 00:57:10,710 --> 00:57:12,010 You might in the store, honey. 648 00:57:32,170 --> 00:57:34,910 I told you that dairy bar wouldn't solve anything, Father. 649 00:57:35,410 --> 00:57:37,490 Now I can't stand the sight of milk. 650 00:57:38,090 --> 00:57:41,890 Milk is a symbol of purity, my son, and you've been sinning. But everybody's got 651 00:57:41,890 --> 00:57:44,830 to do something for a living. That's not business, it's pleasure. 652 00:57:45,130 --> 00:57:46,150 I'm not having any fun. 653 00:57:46,550 --> 00:57:49,950 It's reached the point where I can't get him to work all the time. You can't get 654 00:57:49,950 --> 00:57:51,830 whom to work? Jojo, down below. 655 00:57:52,890 --> 00:57:56,170 Ever since I got that broad with a Ph .D. Ph .D.? 656 00:58:03,310 --> 00:58:04,310 Who is it? 657 00:58:18,970 --> 00:58:20,490 So you're the house fucker. 658 00:58:22,190 --> 00:58:24,630 In person, sweetie pants. Don't be a smartass. 659 00:58:25,030 --> 00:58:26,710 Let's keep this on the adult level. 660 00:58:27,030 --> 00:58:28,470 Are you interested in books? 661 00:58:28,850 --> 00:58:30,490 Then you should really read this one. 662 00:58:30,780 --> 00:58:32,540 Fornication through the centuries. 663 00:58:33,100 --> 00:58:34,380 Take off my clothes. 664 00:58:35,420 --> 00:58:38,260 Do you know the real reason why Columbus discovered America? 665 00:58:39,300 --> 00:58:45,520 You see, Queen Isabella seemed to have been very fond of new and unusual forms 666 00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:46,520 of carnal knowledge. 667 00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:51,480 When Columbus told her he'd discovered a new passage to the West... You doing 668 00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:52,820 some kind of folk dance in my bra? 669 00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:56,160 Set it down on the dresser. It won't bite you, you know. 670 00:58:57,660 --> 00:59:01,250 Isabella, history tells us... clearly jumped to the wrong conclusions. 671 00:59:01,950 --> 00:59:03,430 You can imagine where that led. 672 00:59:03,630 --> 00:59:06,590 Right out the Azores, to the open sea. 673 00:59:06,830 --> 00:59:10,490 They say that on her deathbed, Isabella kept running her hands up and down her 674 00:59:10,490 --> 00:59:13,990 body, looking for her Hispaniola. He never did get his pint on course, did 675 00:59:13,990 --> 00:59:16,090 miss? Why don't you just call me Alice? 676 00:59:16,910 --> 00:59:20,370 Don't you think this book sheds a fascinating light on world history, 677 00:59:21,870 --> 00:59:23,590 Turn down the volume. 678 00:59:24,490 --> 00:59:28,290 Do you know what Benjamin Franklin was referring to when he said early to rise? 679 00:59:29,930 --> 00:59:30,930 Hey, that tickles. 680 00:59:33,310 --> 00:59:35,110 How do you work your pace, Gail? 681 00:59:36,350 --> 00:59:37,350 Please continue. 682 00:59:39,090 --> 00:59:41,130 A gentleman doesn't talk with his mouth full. 683 00:59:41,490 --> 00:59:42,590 I'll do the talking. 684 00:59:43,230 --> 00:59:44,370 Here's how we'll do it. 685 00:59:45,250 --> 00:59:47,250 I'll pay a thousand for orgasm. 686 00:59:47,570 --> 00:59:48,770 Whose? What? 687 00:59:50,150 --> 00:59:51,570 Mine or yours? 688 00:59:52,410 --> 00:59:54,730 Mine, of course. Mine and your business. 689 00:59:55,850 --> 00:59:59,410 Yours of your own pleasure. And don't worry about being ripped off. I plan to 690 00:59:59,410 --> 01:00:02,490 keep an accurate record of all our comings and goings. It's a deal. 691 01:00:03,010 --> 01:00:03,868 Let's go. 692 01:00:03,870 --> 01:00:04,890 Take off your clothes. 693 01:00:30,380 --> 01:00:31,580 Set it down there on the sofa. 694 01:00:31,860 --> 01:00:32,860 Certainly. 695 01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:39,380 Pee -wee, I could swear I could smell something burning. 696 01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:45,820 Pee -wee, have you... All right, all right, all right. I'm getting out of 697 01:00:45,820 --> 01:00:47,140 before the next oven joke. 698 01:00:48,720 --> 01:00:50,260 Now what are you waiting for? 699 01:00:52,200 --> 01:00:58,580 You know, this is a very fascinating little membrane. 700 01:00:59,120 --> 01:01:00,680 I don't suppose you know how it works. 701 01:01:00,900 --> 01:01:01,900 I'm learning. 702 01:01:02,820 --> 01:01:03,820 Interesting. 703 01:01:07,140 --> 01:01:08,140 May I? 704 01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:18,920 Do these dimensions run in your family? I earn every blessed inch of it by 705 01:01:18,920 --> 01:01:20,260 hard work and exercise. 706 01:01:20,900 --> 01:01:22,400 Let's get the show on the road. 707 01:01:40,080 --> 01:01:41,180 you breathe a little quieter? 708 01:01:41,380 --> 01:01:42,820 I'm trying to read. 709 01:01:43,180 --> 01:01:44,380 Want me to stop? 710 01:01:44,780 --> 01:01:46,000 Of course not. 711 01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:48,200 You mean you like this? 712 01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:49,440 It isn't unpleasant. 713 01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:50,880 Continue. 714 01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:19,680 I hope you're finding this amusing. 715 01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:22,399 Aren't you? 716 01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:23,980 I've had more laughs at funeral. 717 01:02:52,270 --> 01:02:55,250 Do you even know what an orgasm is? 718 01:02:55,790 --> 01:02:58,750 Theoretically, yes. I must admit, I've never experienced... 719 01:03:30,410 --> 01:03:32,490 And they say men have far -out fixations. 720 01:03:33,090 --> 01:03:34,990 You ought to marry Elsie the cow. 721 01:03:38,290 --> 01:03:40,810 Now do you understand why I can't stand milk? 722 01:03:41,050 --> 01:03:44,330 That's because you've been drinking too deeply of the wine of depravity. You 723 01:03:44,330 --> 01:03:45,410 need milk, my boy. 724 01:03:45,830 --> 01:03:47,250 The milk of purity. 725 01:03:47,730 --> 01:03:52,150 Don't you realize your soul is crying out for you to start leading a simple, 726 01:03:52,330 --> 01:03:55,530 ordinary, common, everyday existence? 727 01:03:56,750 --> 01:03:58,470 Ah, Father, that's easily said. 728 01:03:59,340 --> 01:04:03,460 Start leading an ordinary, common, everyday existence. 729 01:04:16,180 --> 01:04:20,460 I would love to see the look on Albert's face when his next customer comes 730 01:04:20,460 --> 01:04:21,460 waltzing in. 731 01:04:28,300 --> 01:04:29,300 Dr. Wilkins. 732 01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:32,460 Good heavens. You didn't have to strip for action. 733 01:04:32,840 --> 01:04:35,440 Sex is the last thing in the world I'd want from you. 734 01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:37,380 Don't bother to dress. 735 01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:39,420 I know what little boys look like. 736 01:04:43,140 --> 01:04:45,460 My interest in you is purely scientific. 737 01:04:50,160 --> 01:04:54,620 This is the first time I ever had a mail haul for a patient. You know... 738 01:04:55,050 --> 01:04:59,350 When women lose the feel, they go right on working. Men can't get away with 739 01:04:59,350 --> 01:05:00,350 that. 740 01:05:00,630 --> 01:05:03,250 Dr. Wilkins, you've walked into the middle of a crisis. 741 01:05:03,570 --> 01:05:04,570 You don't say. 742 01:05:04,770 --> 01:05:07,390 Dickie Bird won't stand up and sing. Is that it? 743 01:05:08,970 --> 01:05:11,410 Doctor, what kind of game are you playing, anyway? 744 01:05:11,910 --> 01:05:15,750 Oh, going to hang up your glands and quit? I think I'd better warn you. I'm 745 01:05:15,750 --> 01:05:16,750 about to lose my temper. 746 01:05:16,990 --> 01:05:20,730 Not really. I always thought prostitutes didn't have any emotions. 747 01:05:21,230 --> 01:05:23,450 One more wise remark and you can see for yourself. 748 01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:26,780 You're petrified and you know it. 749 01:05:27,020 --> 01:05:30,460 Lady, I thought your job was to help people, not to make them miserable. 750 01:05:31,060 --> 01:05:34,860 But of course, just as soon as you've accepted the fact that you were placed 751 01:05:34,860 --> 01:05:37,740 this earth to serve women, you'll be much more emotionally stable. 752 01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:42,860 You've got to resign yourself to the fact that we women have a sexual force 753 01:05:42,860 --> 01:05:47,820 you. At will, we can turn you on or turn you off. 754 01:05:56,910 --> 01:05:57,910 Cheese sandwich? 755 01:05:58,130 --> 01:06:00,170 No. Glass of milk? 756 01:06:00,610 --> 01:06:01,610 No. 757 01:06:02,510 --> 01:06:03,510 Want some? 758 01:06:03,870 --> 01:06:04,870 No. 759 01:06:05,070 --> 01:06:06,510 Darling, what do you want? 760 01:06:07,010 --> 01:06:11,710 I want to lead a normal, ordinary, everyday existence. That's what. 761 01:06:20,510 --> 01:06:21,670 Who betrayed us? 762 01:06:22,330 --> 01:06:23,330 It's the hotel. 763 01:06:23,650 --> 01:06:25,330 I told them to leave me alone. 764 01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:29,600 Listen, you idiot. 765 01:06:30,380 --> 01:06:31,380 Guess what? 766 01:06:31,500 --> 01:06:33,200 You know who is back in the zoo. 767 01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:30,460 I couldn't go on without you. 768 01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:32,060 I need you, too. 769 01:07:32,700 --> 01:07:35,860 I'm suing Henry for divorce. I caught him with his pal, Brucey. 770 01:07:37,940 --> 01:07:38,940 Now I'm yours. 771 01:07:39,680 --> 01:07:40,860 And you belong to me. 772 01:07:41,400 --> 01:07:44,860 Mrs. Belcher sold me the hotel, and guess who's going to be manager starting 773 01:07:44,860 --> 01:07:45,860 right now? 774 01:07:46,340 --> 01:07:49,420 I won't. You will. 775 01:07:50,860 --> 01:07:55,020 I need Louise, too. He can't manage without her. He's got to stay married to 776 01:07:55,020 --> 01:07:55,839 her. 777 01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:56,840 Are you jealous? 778 01:07:58,380 --> 01:07:59,380 Not of your wife. 779 01:07:59,880 --> 01:08:03,340 Ah, but the other ladies are going to have to find another toy to play with. 780 01:08:06,340 --> 01:08:09,800 Is the manager in? Yes, he is, Doctor. Then send him up here at once. He said 781 01:08:09,800 --> 01:08:12,300 was hanging up his gown. Don't argue. On the double. 782 01:08:12,960 --> 01:08:14,340 Don't claim I didn't warn you. 783 01:08:21,920 --> 01:08:22,920 Hmm. 784 01:08:24,819 --> 01:08:26,960 It's a woman's prerogative to change her mind. 785 01:08:27,310 --> 01:08:28,950 I think I would like to use you. 786 01:08:29,510 --> 01:08:30,510 Use me? 787 01:08:30,970 --> 01:08:31,970 What for? 788 01:08:32,390 --> 01:08:33,630 The usual function. 789 01:08:34,529 --> 01:08:35,529 Stud service. 790 01:08:36,609 --> 01:08:37,630 What a pity. 791 01:08:38,149 --> 01:08:41,170 Oh, our little conversation took the lead out of your pencil. 792 01:08:41,689 --> 01:08:45,170 Well, I don't think we'll have any trouble reloading your cartridge. 793 01:08:46,430 --> 01:08:47,430 Oh, don't bother. 794 01:08:47,890 --> 01:08:52,310 It works fine. It just won't write on any old blotter. What kind of nonsense 795 01:08:52,310 --> 01:08:54,630 that? I'm paying the piper and I'll call the tune. 796 01:08:54,990 --> 01:08:58,710 A man who'll bang any female is headed for a sure crack -up. Now, don't get 797 01:08:58,710 --> 01:09:01,490 impertinent. You get your little butt over here this instant. 798 01:09:01,790 --> 01:09:04,069 I'm sorry. You'll have to find another piper. 799 01:09:04,270 --> 01:09:06,350 Come over here. Come on. 800 01:09:06,670 --> 01:09:13,229 Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. 801 01:09:13,229 --> 01:09:19,050 Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Give it to me, tiger. I want it. 802 01:09:19,189 --> 01:09:20,108 Oh, please. 803 01:09:20,109 --> 01:09:22,250 Please. Come on. Come on. 804 01:09:22,529 --> 01:09:24,090 Come on. Come on. 805 01:09:24,439 --> 01:09:28,200 Come on. Come on. I wish you could see yourself now. 806 01:09:28,439 --> 01:09:34,160 Come on. Oh, please. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I'm 807 01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:36,200 itching for you. Come on. Please. 808 01:09:36,899 --> 01:09:37,899 Come on. 809 01:09:38,020 --> 01:09:39,020 Come on. 810 01:09:39,500 --> 01:09:40,500 Please. 811 01:09:40,979 --> 01:09:45,479 Please come on. Come on. You're making a ridiculous spectacle of yourself. 812 01:09:45,920 --> 01:09:51,359 Oh, honey. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Make it with me. Make it. 813 01:09:54,270 --> 01:09:55,270 Give it to me. 814 01:09:56,230 --> 01:09:57,230 Come on, please. 815 01:09:58,070 --> 01:10:01,410 I've got to have it. I've got to have it. 816 01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:06,220 The oven's all yours, Pee -wee. 817 01:11:06,460 --> 01:11:08,640 Have fun, pal. 818 01:11:23,780 --> 01:11:25,720 Now he's got the perfect combination. 819 01:11:25,960 --> 01:11:30,620 A woman at home and a lady at work. And a normal, simple, everyday existence. 820 01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:32,160 Lucky Albert. 821 01:12:15,050 --> 01:12:20,010 Moral of the story is, when in doubt, ignore your doctor and consult your 822 01:12:20,010 --> 01:12:21,010 neighborhood priest.